This morning I met with some of my girlfriends from church and we had a lovely get-together at my house. We try to meet every week just to hang out and catch up on each other's lives. Michelle brought one of Rob Bell's DVDs on anger, it was awesome! I totally have to borrow it to show Steve when he gets back. Then Kylie-bug and I hung out, took a nap together and then went to dinner with my mother-in-law, Teresa! We went to My Big Fat Greek Restaurant, I love Greek food!
I think I forgot to mention it yesterday, but Kylie has her first tooth! It just broke through the gum yesterday. It's on the bottom, left, in front. She also did the sign language for "more" yesterday when I was feeding her green beans. That's her second word in sign language. The end of February, we were at my mom's house and she did the sign language for "sleep" on two separate occasions. That Baby Einstein DVD is really working!
So besides keeping this blog as a diary of what I have been up to, I really have no inspiration to write tonight, I'm kinda glum because I have not video-chatted with Steve all day. Both of our schedules made us keep missing each other. So I am sad.
I think tonight I will draw instead.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Fourth night
So we meet again.
I've been thinking all day about what topic to write on tonight. I'm torn between writing about how scared I am that North Korea is threatening to shoot a Taepodong 2 (Intercontinental Ballistic Missile) at the US. And also threatening to shoot down passenger airlines flying anywhere near North Korea's air space. And that Steve is out in South Korea right now participating in the exact military exercise that North Korea feels threatened by. Is it enough to make them fire a nuclear missile? *Terrified face*
OR
The reason why we have chosen our Pastor and his wife and not a blood relative, in our wills, to raise our daughter in case something happens to Steve and me.
OR
My thoughts on international adoption vs. domestic adoption, some questions I have about the process and how Steve and I would like to adopt babies from Ethiopia, China, Korea and India!
Of course, that is in addition to having a few more birth children, like 3 or 4 more.
And now I am too tired to write about any of them in detail. Sorry, I am going to bed. In the words of Scarlett O'Hara, "I can't think about that now, I'll go crazy if I do. I'll think about it tomorrow, after all, tomorrow is another day!"
I've been thinking all day about what topic to write on tonight. I'm torn between writing about how scared I am that North Korea is threatening to shoot a Taepodong 2 (Intercontinental Ballistic Missile) at the US. And also threatening to shoot down passenger airlines flying anywhere near North Korea's air space. And that Steve is out in South Korea right now participating in the exact military exercise that North Korea feels threatened by. Is it enough to make them fire a nuclear missile? *Terrified face*
OR
The reason why we have chosen our Pastor and his wife and not a blood relative, in our wills, to raise our daughter in case something happens to Steve and me.
OR
My thoughts on international adoption vs. domestic adoption, some questions I have about the process and how Steve and I would like to adopt babies from Ethiopia, China, Korea and India!
Of course, that is in addition to having a few more birth children, like 3 or 4 more.
And now I am too tired to write about any of them in detail. Sorry, I am going to bed. In the words of Scarlett O'Hara, "I can't think about that now, I'll go crazy if I do. I'll think about it tomorrow, after all, tomorrow is another day!"
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Third night
Well, I said I would write about what's going on with me and God and so here it is. I know my husband is interested in this topic so I'll do my best to try and make sense.
It all started in 2007. We were on that crazy tour with Tops In Blue. For those of you who don't know, here's a quick run down. Tops In Blue is considered a special assignment in the Air Force. It is like a USO tour where you get to travel all over the world to different bases and perform for the troops, you are also an ambassador for the U.S . First you have to send in a tape of yourself performing (either playing an instrument, singing, dancing, a comedy routine or whatever you do), then if they like you, they pay for you to fly out to Texas for a 10 day audition/competition. FYI Steve won first place in the instrumentalist category, his performance is on YouTube! Then if you make the team, you leave your regular job in the Air Force for a year and get to go on tour like a rock star. So Steve and I made the team and went on tour. There's a lot more that I can say about it, but I'll leave it at that for now.
So what does this have to do with God, you ask? Well jeez, hold on, I'm getting to it! So during all the "staging" which is what they call learning the show and how to perform better as well as getting in shape and learning how to go without sleep, food, showers, sleep and food. Did I mention no sleep and no food for days? Well, during that time, a lot of my fellow tour-mates would share their Christian beliefs with me. And it was fascinating. I was raised Catholic and I never ever considered changing my religion my whole life and I was not considering changing my faith at this time either. I was just educating myself on the Christian faith. It seemed like there was more to this "religion." You could have an actual personal relationship with Him and He would be there to help you out with the little things, not just the big problems. You could go to Him just to talk and thank Him for a beautiful day, not only when you were in trouble and needed to get out of a difficult situation. He wasn't too busy to talk to you everyday and He loved you no matter what! Some of these ideas were new to me and I saw how these Christians would really live their lives differently because of their faith. I heard them talk about amazing experiences they had which would only make sense if the Holy Spirit really existed and was active. And then I felt and saw those miraculous experiences in my life now that I knew how to see them and I was amazed.
So we went to the Desert also known as the Middle East to encourage the troops out there, bring a piece of "home" to them. That was the best part of the tour by the way, performing for people who actually needed it. We went to a couple of bases in Iraq, Kuwait, Kyrgyzstan, Afghanistan and United Arab Emirates. The last base we were at was Al Dafra in UAE and it is my favorite base out there. Well that was when I had The Experience that changed my faith. God actually spoke directly to me, using Steve but I knew the words Steve spoke were coming directly from the Holy Spirit. And I can tell you that my eyes were probably about to pop out of my little head, it was amazing. This is going to sound pretty epic, but He told me that the enemy really does exist and that there is a huge spiritual battle going on right now. He gave me the choice right then to join the battle and fight against the darkness, to shine my light. He also said it wasn't going to be easy and that Christians get attacked even more than anyone else, so I can't be weak. And all I could think of was that I wanted to be on God's side and live in His light. So in the base chapel in Al Dafra, I accepted Christ and prayed, for real, for the first time in my life.
After that I started reading my Bible every day and talking about God to people and changing and growing. I would surprise Steve sometimes with the wisdom that I had come into in such a short amount of time. Which shows you that even new believers can stand up and share a message that can help others.
And we would see miracle after miracle happen and I also went through some of the roughest times in my life in 2007. I don't want to get into all the details just now, but I was in serious trouble and I was scared and felt like there was no way out. But of course, God opened the door for me and made everything better, just completely healed the situation and is still doing things to this very day to show me that I went through that for a reason and it was worth it.
So let's talk about the "now" of my faith. We are part of a church right now that is the most amazing gathering of believers I could ever imagine. A lot of recovering addicts and "broken" people and they are the greatest people I have ever met. Everyone is so real and open about their struggles, no one is pretending or hiding or being fake. No one is trying to fit into a neat little package with a bow on top and act like they are from Pleasantville. Everyone actually cares about what you are going through and prays for you and means it! No one hides what they have come from and been through or when they accidentally slip up and go back to an addiction. I have never seen anything like it.
So, it looks like I should be set right? I have accepted Christ and I have seen Him working in my life and we go to a great church. Well, that's where it gets complicated. This is the part that I get confused with. In the past few months I have just not heard from God most of the time. Yes, He has done things for us, like made money appear out of nowhere and we have not missed paying rent or our bills! But I don't feel the same like before, I don't see things like before. He used to give me images and teach me things and I'm not seeing them now. I don't know if I'm doing something wrong, or am I just a stupid human being to where I need to be constantly shown miracles to keep believing? I am wondering if maybe before was like God bringing me to the top of a mountain and showing me a beautiful sunset and then now I am in the valley and God is asking me to recall all of those beautiful colors from memory.
I hate being in this place, not taking anything with me from the message taught at church, not getting involved in my community, not talking to God everyday, not reading my Bible. Not growing, not being a better person everyday like my family deserves. I need to change but I have no direct inspiration, but that's probably because I haven't asked. Ha! And there it is, there is the answer. All of this writing to get to the point that all I need to do is ask God.
I feel so empty without Him. That has got to change.
It all started in 2007. We were on that crazy tour with Tops In Blue. For those of you who don't know, here's a quick run down. Tops In Blue is considered a special assignment in the Air Force. It is like a USO tour where you get to travel all over the world to different bases and perform for the troops, you are also an ambassador for the U.S . First you have to send in a tape of yourself performing (either playing an instrument, singing, dancing, a comedy routine or whatever you do), then if they like you, they pay for you to fly out to Texas for a 10 day audition/competition. FYI Steve won first place in the instrumentalist category, his performance is on YouTube! Then if you make the team, you leave your regular job in the Air Force for a year and get to go on tour like a rock star. So Steve and I made the team and went on tour. There's a lot more that I can say about it, but I'll leave it at that for now.
So what does this have to do with God, you ask? Well jeez, hold on, I'm getting to it! So during all the "staging" which is what they call learning the show and how to perform better as well as getting in shape and learning how to go without sleep, food, showers, sleep and food. Did I mention no sleep and no food for days? Well, during that time, a lot of my fellow tour-mates would share their Christian beliefs with me. And it was fascinating. I was raised Catholic and I never ever considered changing my religion my whole life and I was not considering changing my faith at this time either. I was just educating myself on the Christian faith. It seemed like there was more to this "religion." You could have an actual personal relationship with Him and He would be there to help you out with the little things, not just the big problems. You could go to Him just to talk and thank Him for a beautiful day, not only when you were in trouble and needed to get out of a difficult situation. He wasn't too busy to talk to you everyday and He loved you no matter what! Some of these ideas were new to me and I saw how these Christians would really live their lives differently because of their faith. I heard them talk about amazing experiences they had which would only make sense if the Holy Spirit really existed and was active. And then I felt and saw those miraculous experiences in my life now that I knew how to see them and I was amazed.
So we went to the Desert also known as the Middle East to encourage the troops out there, bring a piece of "home" to them. That was the best part of the tour by the way, performing for people who actually needed it. We went to a couple of bases in Iraq, Kuwait, Kyrgyzstan, Afghanistan and United Arab Emirates. The last base we were at was Al Dafra in UAE and it is my favorite base out there. Well that was when I had The Experience that changed my faith. God actually spoke directly to me, using Steve but I knew the words Steve spoke were coming directly from the Holy Spirit. And I can tell you that my eyes were probably about to pop out of my little head, it was amazing. This is going to sound pretty epic, but He told me that the enemy really does exist and that there is a huge spiritual battle going on right now. He gave me the choice right then to join the battle and fight against the darkness, to shine my light. He also said it wasn't going to be easy and that Christians get attacked even more than anyone else, so I can't be weak. And all I could think of was that I wanted to be on God's side and live in His light. So in the base chapel in Al Dafra, I accepted Christ and prayed, for real, for the first time in my life.
After that I started reading my Bible every day and talking about God to people and changing and growing. I would surprise Steve sometimes with the wisdom that I had come into in such a short amount of time. Which shows you that even new believers can stand up and share a message that can help others.
And we would see miracle after miracle happen and I also went through some of the roughest times in my life in 2007. I don't want to get into all the details just now, but I was in serious trouble and I was scared and felt like there was no way out. But of course, God opened the door for me and made everything better, just completely healed the situation and is still doing things to this very day to show me that I went through that for a reason and it was worth it.
So let's talk about the "now" of my faith. We are part of a church right now that is the most amazing gathering of believers I could ever imagine. A lot of recovering addicts and "broken" people and they are the greatest people I have ever met. Everyone is so real and open about their struggles, no one is pretending or hiding or being fake. No one is trying to fit into a neat little package with a bow on top and act like they are from Pleasantville. Everyone actually cares about what you are going through and prays for you and means it! No one hides what they have come from and been through or when they accidentally slip up and go back to an addiction. I have never seen anything like it.
So, it looks like I should be set right? I have accepted Christ and I have seen Him working in my life and we go to a great church. Well, that's where it gets complicated. This is the part that I get confused with. In the past few months I have just not heard from God most of the time. Yes, He has done things for us, like made money appear out of nowhere and we have not missed paying rent or our bills! But I don't feel the same like before, I don't see things like before. He used to give me images and teach me things and I'm not seeing them now. I don't know if I'm doing something wrong, or am I just a stupid human being to where I need to be constantly shown miracles to keep believing? I am wondering if maybe before was like God bringing me to the top of a mountain and showing me a beautiful sunset and then now I am in the valley and God is asking me to recall all of those beautiful colors from memory.
I hate being in this place, not taking anything with me from the message taught at church, not getting involved in my community, not talking to God everyday, not reading my Bible. Not growing, not being a better person everyday like my family deserves. I need to change but I have no direct inspiration, but that's probably because I haven't asked. Ha! And there it is, there is the answer. All of this writing to get to the point that all I need to do is ask God.
I feel so empty without Him. That has got to change.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Second night
Ok, so it's gotten to that point where I'm tired and delirious and the hallucinations have started. So I figured this is the time to start writing on my blog. So last night wasn't so bad. At first it was tough because I was listening for any sounds out of the ordinary and freaking myself out, but then exhaustion hit and I passed out until about 0630 when Kylie started to stir.
Today flew by for the most part. Very much a relief because I had nothing planned to keep myself busy. Kari, John, Jules and Malachi came over for about 30 minutes to hang out and bring me some delicious homemade cream of potato and pork soup! Kari is an amazing cook and an all around amazing woman! I feel very blessed that we are friends.
Tomorrow will be a good day, I'm calling it right now. I have plans to hang out with Marlette and Juan David and Kari and Malachi in the morning. Then Kylie-bug and I will head to the base to get my will drawn up. I was going to get mine written up at the same time Steve did his last week, but like an idiot, I forgot my military ID in my uniform pocket at home, so they wouldn't let me. I realize it's ok now though because now I have something else to do to fill up my afternoon! Then at night is a Bible study at Tony and Michelle's house! Michelle is also an amazing cook, baker and friend! I can and plan to learn a lot from these women!
Tonight I got to chat with Rickie for a bit and I always love talking to him. No matter how long we go without talking (unfortunately months sometimes) we can always pick right back up and understand each other very easily. He is one of my dearest friends, and I wish we lived in the same city or the same state even. Like he said tonight, "I gotta see ya soon or I'm gonna burst." lol I feel the same way! He has always been on my side and supported me and Steve through our whole TIB drama. And I am crazy about his parents too! We got to see them last month when they were visiting Phoenix. We almost missed them, we got back to Phoenix late Saturday night after a week in LA and met them for breakfast Sunday morning before their 2pm flight home to Alaska. They are so sweet and loving and generous, I just love the Rosales family!
In LA we were visiting my family and Steve had to put in a few days at his base to prepare for his deployment. It was a really nice trip, probably the best one yet. My relationship with my mother and brother is improving. We had a really good talk at Christmas and I think we all took it to heart and made some big changes in the way we communicate and show respect to each other. This is not just us who all of a sudden changed this much, God definitely had a hand in it!
I think tomorrow night I will write about my relationship with God. Yes, I think that is exactly what I need to do cuz right now I am confused. For now, I guess I'll go to bed and think happy thoughts, not about how it's been 15 hours since Steve got on the plane to fly to Korea and I still haven't heard from him. I'm sure he has a good reason but I really can't think of one right now. He knows I worry too, you would think he would make it a point to let me at least know he made it there. I don't know what to think, pray for me eh?
Today flew by for the most part. Very much a relief because I had nothing planned to keep myself busy. Kari, John, Jules and Malachi came over for about 30 minutes to hang out and bring me some delicious homemade cream of potato and pork soup! Kari is an amazing cook and an all around amazing woman! I feel very blessed that we are friends.
Tomorrow will be a good day, I'm calling it right now. I have plans to hang out with Marlette and Juan David and Kari and Malachi in the morning. Then Kylie-bug and I will head to the base to get my will drawn up. I was going to get mine written up at the same time Steve did his last week, but like an idiot, I forgot my military ID in my uniform pocket at home, so they wouldn't let me. I realize it's ok now though because now I have something else to do to fill up my afternoon! Then at night is a Bible study at Tony and Michelle's house! Michelle is also an amazing cook, baker and friend! I can and plan to learn a lot from these women!
Tonight I got to chat with Rickie for a bit and I always love talking to him. No matter how long we go without talking (unfortunately months sometimes) we can always pick right back up and understand each other very easily. He is one of my dearest friends, and I wish we lived in the same city or the same state even. Like he said tonight, "I gotta see ya soon or I'm gonna burst." lol I feel the same way! He has always been on my side and supported me and Steve through our whole TIB drama. And I am crazy about his parents too! We got to see them last month when they were visiting Phoenix. We almost missed them, we got back to Phoenix late Saturday night after a week in LA and met them for breakfast Sunday morning before their 2pm flight home to Alaska. They are so sweet and loving and generous, I just love the Rosales family!
In LA we were visiting my family and Steve had to put in a few days at his base to prepare for his deployment. It was a really nice trip, probably the best one yet. My relationship with my mother and brother is improving. We had a really good talk at Christmas and I think we all took it to heart and made some big changes in the way we communicate and show respect to each other. This is not just us who all of a sudden changed this much, God definitely had a hand in it!
I think tomorrow night I will write about my relationship with God. Yes, I think that is exactly what I need to do cuz right now I am confused. For now, I guess I'll go to bed and think happy thoughts, not about how it's been 15 hours since Steve got on the plane to fly to Korea and I still haven't heard from him. I'm sure he has a good reason but I really can't think of one right now. He knows I worry too, you would think he would make it a point to let me at least know he made it there. I don't know what to think, pray for me eh?
Monday, March 2, 2009
First night
Well, it's late and I should be sleeping because the baby is sleeping and I really am tired. But I just keep procrastinating because I don't want to go to my empty bed. It's a little known fact that I am cold-blooded, basically I don't produce a lot of body heat, so I usually snuggle up close to my husband at night and mooch off of his abundant body heat. And so you ask, where is your husband tonight? And so I shall answer, he is in California, the first leg of his journey, the final destination being South Korea. Who goes to South Korea? Well, Koreans for one, tourists and more relevantly to this story, military members. So you've guessed it, my husband is a SSgt in the Air Force Reserves, you're a really good guesser!
I do have to say this, I feel kind of like a "baby" in the sense that my husband is only out there for 3 weeks, which to me seems like a long-ass time, but then I think of the spouses of military members who have to be away from their husband or wife for 4 months, or 6 months or a year. And I only have one baby to look after, and these other families have 2 or more. I'm sure they would just roll their eyes at me for being weak, but I can't help it, I am addicted to my husband, there I said it. He is who I want to see every morning when I wake up and all day everyday and right before I go to bed. He is a wonderful man and I am so proud of him. I'm not saying he's not a goof sometimes, but that just makes him even more lovable.
Hahaha I'm reminded of a phase he went through where he was constantly clumsy, and I mean constantly. He could barely walk without falling down. Every time we went to the dog park he would kick the ball for the dogs and fall down somehow or bang into the baby gate every time or trip on something that was far from being in his path. I swear he was the clumsiest man you would have ever seen and it was hilarious! Right now he's over that phase and is more of a suave, debonaire, confident and handsome type. Not that he wasn't handsome when he was tripping and falling all over everything. Oh because he was! It was really sweet, he would blame me for it, he said I distracted him with whatever cute outfit I would be wearing :)
Hmm, it's nice to think about him when he's gone, it makes me feel less anxious. Well, it's time to see how I do this first night, I hope I can sleep alright. I'll keep ya posted cuz I'm sure you're interested (sarcasm). Good night.
I do have to say this, I feel kind of like a "baby" in the sense that my husband is only out there for 3 weeks, which to me seems like a long-ass time, but then I think of the spouses of military members who have to be away from their husband or wife for 4 months, or 6 months or a year. And I only have one baby to look after, and these other families have 2 or more. I'm sure they would just roll their eyes at me for being weak, but I can't help it, I am addicted to my husband, there I said it. He is who I want to see every morning when I wake up and all day everyday and right before I go to bed. He is a wonderful man and I am so proud of him. I'm not saying he's not a goof sometimes, but that just makes him even more lovable.
Hahaha I'm reminded of a phase he went through where he was constantly clumsy, and I mean constantly. He could barely walk without falling down. Every time we went to the dog park he would kick the ball for the dogs and fall down somehow or bang into the baby gate every time or trip on something that was far from being in his path. I swear he was the clumsiest man you would have ever seen and it was hilarious! Right now he's over that phase and is more of a suave, debonaire, confident and handsome type. Not that he wasn't handsome when he was tripping and falling all over everything. Oh because he was! It was really sweet, he would blame me for it, he said I distracted him with whatever cute outfit I would be wearing :)
Hmm, it's nice to think about him when he's gone, it makes me feel less anxious. Well, it's time to see how I do this first night, I hope I can sleep alright. I'll keep ya posted cuz I'm sure you're interested (sarcasm). Good night.
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